Fierce-haired Puerto Rican Sexologist! Co-founder of The LatiNegr@s Project, radical educator and woman of Color w/a disability, titi/auntie, fat pro-choice independendista femme. Basically a pretty cool broad. Creative Commons License
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queennubian:

sexualadvice:

A simple 5 Step guide for those partners/givers who’d like to get down the basics of clitoral/fingering orgasm. 

Warm Up Period:

This is very crucial for a successful clitoral orgasm. Begin with foreplay - warm the receiver up - kissing the side of their neck, mouth, massaging the body, touch every part of the body except the vagina. This should last around 10 minutes, until the receiver becomes sexually aroused and relaxed. The longer you - the giver - can take before touching the receiver’s vagina, the better. 

Step 1) Make sure your index/pointer finger on the hand you will using is wet. Either spit on it or rub some lube on it and some lube on the receiver as well. However, after 10 minutes of touching they should be wet and ready to go. 

Step 2) With them lying on their back, lie next to them with your left hand spreading their vagina and your right hand with the pointer finger on their clit. 

Step 3) What you want to do now is slowly and lightly move that right pointer finger up and down on their clit. Again, start very slow and light because even after 10 minutes of foreplay they still may not be totally aroused. 

Step 4) Ask the receiver if they like it; and see how wet they are getting. At this point begin stroking the clit harder and a bit faster. Watch their response. Still move only in the up and down direction. 

Step 5) Continue until orgasm :) Yes, it’s that simple

communication is important too. seriously. ask questions. 

and that foreplay part is mandatory  don’t just hop on the body parts that you want. It’s too stimulating and can be uncomfortably so. We get it, you are eager, but this is not just for you. 

Step 2 is wrong. “Step 2) With them lying on their back, lie next to them with your left hand spreading their vagina and your right hand with the pointer finger on their clit.” 

If you are “spreading their vagina” you are covering up the clit with your hand because the VULVA has more parts than just the vagina. Especially if you are using your left hand and lying on your left side. Also, spreading the vagina may not give better access to the clitoris if the labia lips and clitoral hood long(er). Perhaps they meant “spreading their labia lips.”  The details folks the details matter! (and if none of these words are clear to you here’s a image that may help).

So I tried to look at the other “sexual advice” b/c maybe this was just a typo or something and b/c so many POC reblogged this I should maybe follow and see what they got in the archives. Unfortunately, I can’t find anything about who is writing these forms of advice b/c the page is password protected.  

So yeah. I’m not surprised folks didnt pick this up because, well we still got folks who take sex advice from cosmo, dan savage, buck angel, and the like and I think that’s really scary. 

Also: 1. there are multiple ways to experience a clitoral orgasm, direct stimulation is not the only one,

2. direct stimulation may be painful for some folks,

3. if someone does not have a clitoris but has a vulva, or is intersex and has a clitoris, number 1 is something to keep in mind as clitoral stimulation can occur in other parts of the body as the clitoral nerve endings extend back toward the anus (this may differ amoung some intersex folks, but most likely their nerve endings may be present for that body part as well).

4. if you think “giving” someone an orgasm is a thing, I encourage you to reconsider what orgasms are and represent. people EXPERIENCE orgasms, not just “give” and “take” them. This is a very colonial idea of pleasure, in my opinion, that i/we have to wait until someone feels like giving me/us something to experience a pleasureable encounter, or that i/we can’t do something on my/our own w/o someone else there to oversee and witness it, bc that makes it “real.”

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    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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